I can tell already you think I'm the dragon,

that would be so like me, but I'm not. I'm not the dragon.

I'm not the princess either.

And the part where I push you

flush against the wall and every part of your body rubs against the bricks,

shut up

I'm getting to it.

- Richard Siken, "Litany In Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out".

---

Elbereth.

Preserve.

Me.

Three hours at Coffee Bean with the Mediaeval Baebes, The Kooks, The Dubliners, and a latte- and I'm currently on Page 17 of a 38-page History Lecture; oh hello, 19 more pages!

Thank God for half day today. To be fair- it wasn't really a half day for me anyway, cuz we had a drama rehearsal- but we all know how I feel about Drama.

i.e PSYCHED.

Seriously; I turn up for rehearsal every time with a spring in my step, and even when I don't, I love the feeling of just throwing myself into role.

Today's rehearsal was hilarious; I wish I could have filmed it. Carol came in to watch, and all of us ended up in stitches. You could just feel the energy in the room, too- the air was thick with it, electric; it was swelling and pushing round the edges and against the walls and turned the marrow in our bones to liquid fire- laughing ribcage rattling like bambambam.

I love the cast, and I love Whitby, and I love the way everyone greets each other now with adlibbed lines from the play.

"Lo, ducky!"

Lunch at Aston's (next to Good Good!) with Carol, after.

It felt a little strange; considering the last two times I went there was for the photoshoot with Joe and Carol, and the second time was me in school uniform and Joe in...not; and after we crossed over to Guthrie to get microwave popcorn and Old Gold, and considered getting B&J's (but decided not to because Uncle Gerry's freezer back home was stocked), and got Troy to watch for a movie afternoon in.

Good memories.

The lady said I got prettier. :>

Which was charitable, all things considered- since last time I was in full regalia (ie eyeliner, maxi dress, epick heels) and this time I was in grey military get-up and Isolde french braid.

One thing hasn't changed, though: I still put way too much chili sauce on my food.

Borrowed Gladiator to watch later, while I'm on the treadmill.

I'm running out of good old epic battle shows to watch. I've done Troy, Alexander, Tristan and Isolde, (don't like 300), the Tudors (too slow), Meet The Spartans (UGH), LotR ( x many many); and I can't think of anything else.

Come on, Hollywood, surprise me.

On another note, I have been thinking about my future quite a lot lately, and let me tell you- the Future is a scary, scary thing.

...But I have faith. I have faith that everything's going to be okay. Maybe not right now, and maybe never entirely; but I trust that God has a plan for me, and It Is Good.

Also pleasantly surprised to realize, upon rereading (before this, I hadn't touched it in eeeeons. New dimension to the adage "ashes to ashes, dust to dust", no kidding); that the Bible kinda sorta sounds like The Odyssey!!

...okay not really.

But how did I not realize, before this; that the Bible was actually full of so much drama?

Beautiful women bathing in moonlight. The undoing of proud kings. The deaths of good men- sent to the frontline and then abandoned. Temptresses of Babylon. An ocean parting for the children of Israel...

And the language, the richness.

So much for thinking it was a boring old book. Sorry bout that, God.

...So yeah.

Things haven't been the easiest lately, and there's still a lot that I'm unsure about.

But in the end it'll be all right- and that is the one thing this dreamer can say she can cleave to.

Okay now.

Mum's done with teaching piano; and I'm orf! to watch Gladiator and clock in some footwork.

Fight the A Level Spread, dammit, people.

xxx