"the trick is never giving more than you were willing to lose."

---

So I'm here in a baggy nightgown and yesterday's eyeliner and headphones listening to your rhythms and your beats and I think it's pretty sexy the way you drop the boom the way you do.

I've heard somewhere that we all learn to love what's good for us; ...and you are very, very bad for me. But that's okay because I don't love you, I just like your laughs.

Yesterday I went out and met Di, and we spent a lovely hour or so sunken into big, soft couches with diet A&W and no-pressure icecream and talking; mainly about love and loss and eyeliner. It's funny- I swear, FB is the Great Uniter of kindred spirits. A year ago all I knew of her was that she was the "german girl" who stood on tiptoe to buy fruits from the school canteen; and now we're like sisters and different sides of the same coin.

Denarii, naturally. ;)

And then met Erik halfway/3 quarters of the way/God we need better coordination. He tried to scoop me up and carry me off but I screamed and wriggled and yelled "rape" till he had to put me down, and I got psychoanalyzed and we had skittles and icecream and laughed at street buskers.

So all in all it was a good day. I haven't done any proper work today or yesterday, though, which is...bad. I have this weird little feeling that I should be more stressed than I am right now. It's just- I've been so tired lately; I come back home and I'm absolutely exhausted and ready to drop by the time 10pm rolls around. I used to stay up till 2am every night, but these nights I consider myself Way Productive if I make it mugging till midnight. And it's not like I'm not getting sleep, either- I am. Which makes me wonder if it's more than just physical rest I'm needing.

...but sod it; my A levels are in less than half a year and it's no use worrying about my psychological wellbeing right now. Mental health can go suck it; we'll find some way to get it back AFTER As end.

On a side note: Lisa, Lyn, and Di have been wonderful fixtures in my life lately. You girls don't keep me sane- you make me glad we're all a little off our rockers.

I wrote a song about you (yes, you!) the other day and it was INCREDIBLE and one day they're going to be playing it down at West End.

Moral of the story: when Life hands you a douchebag, write witty song about said douche.

I figure if ever something gets me around to feeling less than stellar; i might as well channel that less-than-stellarness into making something beautiful. Pearl of wisdom? ...I think so.

"What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing?

— it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-by.

But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."